I’m never really excited about New Year’s. The holiday has always just provided an excuse to seemingly swim in alcohol. I always feel like the anticipation of it all seems to deflate at midnight. I grew up thinking some magical change just might occur when the ball drops, like Cinderella, and I’d feel different. So each year at the stroke of midnight I would wait for that wonderful transformation the new year would bring. I’d wait and wait, but nope. Same ol’ same ol’. This year I realized the delightful change could only happen not just if I willed it to but if I conscientiously elected to create change in my life. Change requires action.
Thus, this year when the clock struck midnight and the firecrackers popped over the beach, instead of sipping champagne or pretending to know the words to Auld Lang Syne, I sat in bed in my husband’s arms and purposefully crafted my means of change in my heart. I determined to find hope and hold on to it, to keep my grasp firm. I decided to write more, more letters, more blog entries, more cards. I will value meaningful relationships and work to keep them that way (even if that means to say sorry). I need to stop taking every little thing so personal. Negativity has no place in my heart; it is not up to others to determine what it negative, its solely my responsibility. I will recognize and give credence to my good-natured personality and I will share it. Communication serves as a key component in life and I will continue to value the process of building my communicative skills, openly and honestly.
Lastly, I as I drifted off composing this change manifesto in my mind, I determined these three things: to go back to school, find fulfillment in all I do, and to go whale watching. I think all of those resolutions have potential for success. The quality of my life isn’t determined by me becoming pregnant or having PCOS, its established by my own will to see the magic I already have.
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