I am five foot one inches and a tub of lard. Not really, but the height part is true. I know its suicide to admit one's weight, let alone ONLINE. But here it is. Drum roll please..........169! I am a hefty 169 pounds! I started noticing my weight gain in high school after the second time I broke my ankle. After physical therapy and what not I expected the pounds to melt off. I was an active teen, played year round competitive softball, enjoyed hiking, swimming, you name it. But despite all my activity my body expanded. Pants felt tighter, so tight in fact I resorted to sweats and running pants for a year.
In college I ate whatever I felt like. Carbs and coca-cola mostly. I still count one day when my friend and I ditched Bio with Professor Bat-man to eat a dozen donuts and watch "A Baby Story" as one of my all-time best days. Isn't that sick? A day gorging myself on sugar and trans fat felt amazing (the company was great though). In college I became an over-eater--- something foreign to me as my parents never insisted we finish the food on our plates. In fact, my folks never really kept junk food in the house; my mom stashed junk food away for parties and holidays.Doritos had no place in our home. Despite my activity, I gained. I gained some more.
As a student, disgusted by dorm food options, I resorted to what remains as my favorite food groups: cereal and dessert. My weight ballooned and I had no reasonable excuse for all my pounds. Upon one of my first visits home from college my mother told me I looked like a sausage busting out of its casing. My brother told me to stop crying because I was fat and get dressed to go to a holiday parties-- there would be cookies there so that would inevitably cheer me up right? The way I felt about my body only made me eat more.(It's ok if you laugh out here...I do). My best friend and I baked, cooked comfort foods, and relished in the bounties of the junk food aisles. I owe much of my current girth to years spent in college binging.
When I finally started exercising and paying attention to the crap I put into my mouth PCOS had also been working its wonders on my body's (in)ability to shed pounds. I should have known something was wrong when as a healthy active person I struggled to lose weight. I can assure you that after years of trying various diet options I have truly found the nutritional path I am comfortable forging ahead on. I plan almost every single item of food that I eat. I create a menu for the week with every meal, snack, side etc on it. I use this menu to inform our grocery shopping (this has done wonders for our budgeting). I tried food journaling, but I failed miserably at the diligence required to maintain such a document. Thus, my menu works as my diary-- just ahead of time. I leave myself wiggle room on the weekends and try to eat carbs at breakfast. I NEVER eat after eight. I need more protein-- so that's the current project I'm working on. Sneaky ways to get more protein in my diet.
Some people have tried offering me advice on how to eat better. I try and ignore it. I have read and read and re-read books on my nutritional needs as a person with PCOS and potential for diabetes. I have completely changed major aspects of my life to meet these needs. So when someone tells me I'm not doing enough, I shrug them off. This condition plays out as a mystery, I'm the principal actor, I don't need stand-ins ad-libbing.
Did I mention I work out? NO I don't hit the gym like some friends of mine who train for marathons etc. I used to tell people I was meant to be rolled...not to run. I work out at Curves (my only gym option in this rural area) and I walk my dog for a mile and a half each time. I also participate in activities that require my body to move. I hike, I accept invitations to do active things, I do little mini-work outs during Biggest Loser and other shows. And despite all these efforts, I haven't been able to get past the 169 mark for a year. This is where PCOS is taking me hostage-- its telling my body its hormones are off, the insulin resistors are at full speed, and my body says LOSE NOTHING--survival mode I guess.
But, I'm plugging along.
Here's my tasty smoothie recipe that sneaks in protein and vegetables.
Handful of kale (you won't taste it)
1/2 cup frozen strawberries
1/2 cup frozen cranberries
1/4 cup unflavored protein powder
1/4 cup almond milk (unsweetened)
1/4 cup Vanilla, fat-free organic yogurt
ADD if you want: fresh fruit you have in the house (apples, banana, peaches, berries, lime etc).
I drink one of these a day. Sometimes I get crazy and add spinach juice. I love it! The little boy I tutored absolutely LOVED these and had no idea how good they were for him. I crave them!
2 comments:
Try reading a book called "The Obesity Myth." You can get it from the library!
I was a size five for a few years. Here is how I accomplished that:
ate very little. rice cake and apple for dessert? maybe a piece of plain fish on a salad?
lifted weights for 2 hours, 4 - 5 times a week.
Did 2 aerobics classes in a row, then an hour on the stairmaster, 5 times a week.
Sometimes ran around Green Lake after other exercising.
Once or twice a week took bus downtown and went dancing at Tugs (alt. gay bar with great music) till midnight or later.
Was it worth it to be so thin? No, because I had no social life other than working out, which meant I mostly met appearance-obsessed people at the gym. I devoted little time to my important relationships. Very thin women thought I was "one of them" and exposed the meanness of their thoughts about bigger women.
What I learned: there is so much in life that I can accomplish other than trying to be thin, which is just not in my normal metabolism. I have always believed that people come in different healthy sized; my exercise obsession was more a function of controlling depression, but then it was easy to buy into the glamour of being thin even though politically I knew WAY better.
I find I am more comfortable around naturally large women because they feel real, authentic, and deep to me.
All I ever hear anyone say about the way you look is how beautifu;, or cute, or adorable, or glowing you are.
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